When I woke up late afternoon this January 24, something was different. Despite sleeping in until 2pm, I felt like I had not slept anything at all. My stomach was aching, like menstrual cramps coming and going in waves. They were different, no contractions of the uterus, only pain. I timed these waves of pain,- first they lasted 1 minute with 1 minute intervals. Then 2 minutes with 2 minute intervals. After one hour and a half they lasted 7 minutes with 7 minute intervals. So strange! I did not want to get up, because I was afraid they’d go away, secretly hoping may this was finally labor? But eventually I had to get up to pee, and sure enough, the pains stopped.

Instead, they turned into contractions. Well, Braxton-Hicks contractions, the same exact stuff I had been enduring for weeks. I did not put anything into them. I had been convinced I was in labor SO many times already, and was not about to be fooled and disappointed one more time. As I sat down to eat breakfast, I felt completely miserable, almost sick. Headache, body ache, and general feeling of illness. In addition, I was in a very bad mood. This was the last day before my overtime control. It was day 10 past due date, and the next day I would be facing induction, - my greatest fear at this moment. In. my country, Norway, they only had one Birthing Center, named the ABC (“Alternative Birth Care”) at this time, and I was set to give birth there, as long as labor started spontaneously. If I was to be induced, I would be transferred to the hospital, something I did absolutely not want. Hence my terrible mood this day. I was crying and complaining a great deal, convinced that it was now too late. Birth was not going to start spontaneously, and I was going to have to be induced and I would have to give birth in the hospital, and labor would be much more painful, and everything was going to go wrong.

Little did I know, that I was actually in labor for real at this point. Because this time the contractions I felt were not Braxton-Hicks, but real labor contractions!

Calm Before the Storm

“Either I just peed myself of my water broke…!”

My poor husband, Dustin, realizing that comforting me was pointless, asked if we should drop our plans of going shopping. He needed new pants and we had a gift card that needed to be used. I responded that no, I needed to get out of the house. Even though I felt miserable, I needed distractions. And, besides, maybe a little walking around could start labor?!

We went.
Dustin tried on just about every single piece of clothing in the first store (or, that is what it felt like), while I tried to wait patiently, struggling through the contractions. They were actually quite painful, these contractions? Maybe I should time them, just in case? I picked up my phone and opened the way too familiar contraction timer app, but immediately closed it again. Nope! I was not falling for this again. I was not in the mood to handle yet another disappointment.

Dustin only found one pair of pants, but a total of 6 shirts. He paid, and chatted way too long with the cashier. I was suffering and eager to continue. Finally, we finally made it out of the store. It was 8pm, but still one more hour until closing, and since Dustin still needed more pants, we decided to try a store on a different floor. We hit the escalator, and just as we stepped off it, I abruptly stopped grabbed Dustin. "Either I just peed myself, or my water broke!" I gasped. I immediately ran to the restroom, but the sight that met me as I wringed off my pants I was not prepared for. It was neither amniotic fluid nor pee that filled my pants. It was blood. Lots of blood.

I got dizzy. My mouth dried up. I stopped breathing. I could not get out of there fast enough. "We have to leave NOW" I said to Dustin, and we ran to the car. Dustin drove fast, while I called L&D. "I am bleeding", I said. "Is it a lot?" "Like a heavy period." "Then you have to call the ER." I couldn't breathe. Wrong key. Finally managed to call the emergency room. "Do you feel life?" they asked. My heart sunk. When did I last feel the baby move?

I have never been so scared in my life. I knew that heavy bleeding could be a sign of placental abruption, so we had no time to wait for an ambulance. Dustin’s face was white as he broke all speed records. During that ride, everything called c-section, induction, water birth, ABC ++ disappeared, and I did not care at all any longer how the birth would go. All that mattered now was that the baby was fine. I could even have let them cut the baby out of me without anesthesia at that point, as long as the baby survived. That was all that mattered.

At the ER the midwife wanted to check the bleeding right away. Her reaction when she saw it calmed me more than any words in the world could have done: "Oh, but that’s nothing." CTG monitor on. Heartbeat immediately and I breathed for the first time since the bleeding started. The baby was fine. THANK GOD!!!
I was carefully checked. "Just normal maturation bleeding", they said. "Nothing is wrong with either the placenta or the baby."
"But does it really bleed that much?"
"Yes, it is completely normal."

Active Labor

I was told that I was in labor, and the contractions I felt were real contractions, not Braxton-Hicks.
"So that's what real contractions feel like". I thought. They were actually quite a bit more painful than the Braxton-Hicks I had been dealing with for weeks. In the midst of all the drama with bleeding, I had not been aware of how the contractions had picked up. Now they were suddenly pretty painful.
Since I was a first-time mom, they sent me home without checking dilation. They told me birth would likely take a while, maybe even days, and the contractions could also stop again. I was instructed to still show up for my over-time check up at 8 am the next morning.

On our way home we stopped for hamburgers at our regular place, Deli De Luca. We had stopped there on the way home from every pregnancy check-up, and had been convinced that the pregnancy check-up on the day before my due date had been the last time. But alas, here we were again, still no baby. Dustin got out of the car and came around to my side to open the door (yes, I got lucky with chivalrous husband).
"Are you coming, or not?" He asked.
”Wait, I just have to get through this contraction first”, I gasped through intense pain. It was now 11:30 pm, and the fact that I had to spend all my energy on getting through the contractions should have given me a clue that I was going the wrong way… Instead of going home, we should have been going to the hospital at this point.

My appetite was poor, but I managed to squeeze down a bread-free roller burger and some sweet potato fries. Dustin, on the other hand, was ravenously hungry and chowed down on the biggest burger ever. We were home around 12:30 am. It took me a long time to brush my teeth and get ready for bed, because I had only two minutes between each contraction to get as much done as possible. Once a contraction started, I had to crawl down on all fours and just breathe to get through them. I was finally ready for bed at 01:15 am, but now the contractions were extremely hard to handle? That’s what the birthing center told me was the “clue” to head over there. I decided to call L&D before going to bed.
“It’s pretty bad now, I'm struggling to maintain control. Should I come in or try to sleep a little first?” I asked, while gasping for air after a heavy contraction.
“Are you able to sleep?” They asked. We decided that I should try. It did not work. One hour later, I called again and was invited to come in.

It did not exactly go fast getting dressed and into the car with contractions that were even stronger than before. Dustin drove calmly this time, we were not in a hurry. The contractions felt worse in the car as I could not bend down on all fours. It took everything I had to get through them, but the silence in the pauses between them was magical. It was snowing, and we had the road all to ourselves. It was just the two of us, and soon we were going to meet our little miracle. It was wonderful.

We arrived the birthing center around 4 am, and after being showed to the birthing suite, I changed into my bikini and labor dress. The midwife checked me and could confirm that I was definitely in labor, with 4 cm dilation. She immediately started filling the bathtub, as it was my great desire to use water as pain relief. It took some time to fill it up, so in the meantime I walked around with the pulpit walker and clung to it during the contractions. They were powerful, washing over my body like strong waves. The midwife routinely asked if I wanted any kind of pain relief, such as an epidural, but I declined and said I wanted to give birth as naturally as possible. I was then offered acupuncture, but declined that as well. I am not a fan of needles.
"But what about a little needle in the forehead?" the midwife asked.
"What can a needle in the forehead do?"
"It helps you relax."
Relax. I was sold. Dustin got completely shocked when he saw the midwife putting a needle in my forehead. To me, relaxing was the big key to a good birth experience, so I was willing to try anything that would help me relax.

The bathtub was finally full and I got to jump in. WHAT a feeling! The effect of hot water was enormous and immediate. Suddenly the contractions were easier to handle and I relaxed much better. At first I thought it was the water that was relieving the pain, but soon found out that it was the heat, not the water, that had the big effect. As I lay in the bath, the water got colder, and I experienced losing more and more control over my contractions. As soon as the water was warm again, I regained control immediately. In fact, the effect was so great that when I had a contraction while the midwife was running hot water into the water that had become a little too cold, I noticed that I gradually gained control as the water got warmer. It was visible even to Dustin and the midwife.

I relaxed so well in the warm water and with the needle in my forehead that I actually dozed off between the contractions. Several times I got dragged out of a dream and back to reality when a contraction started building. The contractions were stronger and more powerful than I had imagined, and I could hardly lie on my back in the bath when they came. Some times when a contraction started to build I would roll over and sit on my knees as I used all my strength to breathe through the waves of pain. I tried my best to welcome the pain,- to let the contraction do their job, by letting it come and receiving the pain. I had to visualize hard, and in my mind, I was floating in the water on the beach, where the contractions were big waves tossing me back and forth. I focused on letting go of tension and letting the waves toss me, floating with them and not against them. It was tough, and there were times I did not manage to do it, fought back and howled "I CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMORE!". But for the most part I was able to relax and give in, welcoming and receiving the pain. I WANTED to have strong, intense contractions, I knew that the stronger the contractions, the more effective they were. And the more effective they were, the faster my cervix would dilate and my baby be born.

Around 6 am it was time to check the cervix again. I had to get out of the bath to pee, and that was a horrible experience. It was cold and hard, and I had a contraction just as I was lying on the bed, shaking from the cold. It was probably the worst contraction of all. The midwife checked me and could confirm that I was 7 cm. I got shocked. From 4 to 7 in two hours?! My midwife, on the other hand, was not surprised at all. She had probably realized that this was going fast even before I arrived at the birthing center. I only realized it now.

Transitioning

Back in the tub I entered the most intense phase of birth; the transition phase. That is when your cervix dilates from 8 cm to 10 cm. It was exactly that: intense. Beforehand, I had practiced with Dustin how he could massage me to ease the pain during contractions, but now, when the contractions came, I could not handle anyone touching me. Both the midwife and Dustin tried to help me by either massaging, stroking me or touching me in other ways. I almost knocked them away and shouted "DON’T TOUCH ME!" As soon as the contraction was over I got very embarrassed and had to apologize. But thankfully, they both knew that such behavior is completely normal during the transition phase. I also got extremely hot, and at one point so nauseous that I thought I was going to throw up and asked for a bucket. But it quickly passed.

Somewhere between 7 and 8 am my midwife was done for the night, and another arrived for her day-shift. My new midwife came and greeted me. As I was in a very intense and delirious phase of labor, I thought the two midwives were exactly alike. I did understand that they were two different people, and that one was going and the other coming, but that did not matter to me, because they were exactly the same. Or at least looked identical (In reality, they did not look alike at all, they didn't even have the same hair colour). They checked my cervix again at 8 am, and it was now 9 cm. My first midwife gave me a hug goodbye and said she didn't want to go home, because the baby was so close to coming. She also complimented me for doing such a great job laboring, and said that it had been very fun to be my midwife.

This was my second time out of the tub, and now I was very tired and could not bear the thought of climbing back into it again. I lay on my side in bed for a while, completely exhausted. Now the midwife began to bother me with needing to eat something, as I needed energy for the pushing phase that was imminent. I did absolutely not want anything. Dustin gave me an energy bar, but I just looked at it gagged. I asked for salty crackers instead. Just as I put a cracker in my mouth and started chewing, I got a contracion, and that cracker ended up staying in my mouth until the contraction ended. After that I couldn't handly anything else, so a single cracker was all I ate during labor.

Pushing

At 9 am, the midwife checked me again and could declare that I was fully dilated. She wanted me to go to the toilet and push while having a bowel movement, to help move the baby down into my pelvis. I was worried about pushing while sitting on the toilet, but the midwife assured me that the baby would not come out just yet, it was too far up in the pelvis for that. Dustin came along to support me (awkward for both of us), and when the next contraction started building, I did as the midwife said and tried to push.

That is one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. I screamed in shock and something burst between my legs. Dustin was startled, but quickly realized that it was the water that broke, not the baby falling into the toilet. Pretty practical having the water breaking into the toilet though. There were more contractions, and I howled and clung to Dustin while pushing. Back in the room, I knelt down on the floor with my elbows on the bed and pushed. The midwife guided me on how to move my hips and pelvis as I pushed, to more effectively bring the baby down. I alternated between kneeling and standing on all fours and stayed that way for quite a while before collapsing sideways on the bed. In advance, I had said that I did not want to give birth on my back. I would prefer to give birth in the bathtub, or on all fours. But at this very moment the bathtub was too big and high and heavy for me to climb into, I was depleted of energy, and I couldn’t handle anything but lying on my side, so there I stayed.

The push contractions were hardly noticeable, with absolutely no pressure or urge to push. I only pushed when they came because the midwife told me to. It was the act of pushing itself that was painful, that was to me the worst part of the whole birth. But still, that was easier to deal with than the contractions I had had earlier. It only hurt when I actively pushed, something I could control,- I could stop the pain whenever I wanted.

I used all my strength to push, and the pain was so intense that I screamed at the top of my lungs, yet there was not much progress for a while. Then the midwife gave me an instruction that really helped: “You spend a lot of energy on screaming. Rather, think that you will use that force to push, try directing the energy downwards towards pushing instead of out through the mouth". So effective! On the next contraction, I could feel the baby’s head coming down towards the opening, a completely insane sensation. Now the midwife wanted me to turn on my back, but I denied to do that. I was afraid of tearing and had read that lying on your back can increase the risk of tearing. "That is if you have been lying on your back and laboring during the entire birth, such as with an epidural", said the midwife. "Besides, if you lie on your back, I can see you better and communicate better with you about when to push and when to breathe. This will make it easier for me to help prevent tearing". That sounded reasonable to me, so I gave in and accepted help to turn onto my back. Dustin stayed next to me in the large double bed and held my hand. Now there was suddenly a second midwife in the room, as their policy was to always have two midwives present when baby arrives.

Delivery

I pushed, and felt the head starting to crown. It took all my strength to push and I was SO tired. Sometimes I could not push all the way through a contraction because I was so tired. It was not fun to feel the head pop back in between the contractions, it felt like all the enormous effort I put into pushing it out was wasted when it just popped back. But my midwife must have understood what I was thinking, because she suddenly said: "Even if the head pops back between the contractions, it still comes forward a few millimeters each time. There's progress even if it doesn't feel like it right now. So just keep pushing!”. That was encouraging for me to hear.
At one point the midwife grabbed my hand and brought it down so I could feel the baby’s head which was just inside the opening. It was absolutely insane, I was surprised by how soft it felt, and almost got a little worried. I wanted to see, so I asked Dustin to get a mirror. He let go of my hand to get up, but just then a contraction started, and I reached for his hand and almost panicked when I couldn't get it. “DUSTIN!” I howled, and he just had to lie back down on the bed right away to support me. That made me realize just how much support I found in holding his hand.

Then, suddenly, the head stayed put and did not pop back when I stopped pushing. I knew that the baby was gonna come on the next contraction and hurried to wring my labor dress off so the baby could be laid on my chest. The next contraction started, I pushed, and towards the end of the contraction, I could both feel and see that the head came out. I stopped pushing, thinking the rest of the body would come on the next contraction, but to my surprise, the midwife continued to pull the baby out. I thought maybe I should keep pushing so I pushed a little more and suddenly the baby was out and on my chest.

The feeling was overwhelming.
INDESCRIBABLE.
I put my arms around the baby immediately and a thousand thoughts went through my head at once. The feeling of the small chest, which felt so fragile. The feeling that we made it. The feeling of FINALLY. Finally you are here. The feeling that the moment I had been waiting for all my life was here. The feeling that the world stopped. The feeling that the world came into being. The feeling that magic exists.
In the same moment I threw my head back and screamed with all my might, but this time without a sound. I screamed and cried without tears or sound, because big, huge emotions washed over me.
I looked at Dustin and we kissed and laughed and cried. What a moment! I kissed the little head and said “Welcome to the world precious treasure. I love you”.

The little baby cried immediately, but relaxed when I spoke to it. We lay like that for a while, just enjoying the little miracle and all the feelings that filled us, before I thought of something.
“What is it?” I asked Dustin. He had to lift the umbilical cord to see.
“A boy!” he said joyfully.
“Are you sure?” For some reason I was very surprised. I tried to see for myself, but the umbilical cord was in the way. I looked at Dustin with teary eyes.
“Daniel Leon”. He smiled with equally teary eyes, and nodded. I hugged my little boy, kissed his head and just repeated
“Daniel. My Daniel. My precious Daniel.”

After the umbilical cord turned white, the midwife gave Dustin some scissors and instructed him how to cut it. I found it so magical; I gave birth to Daniel while Dustin was the one who cut the physical bond between us and set Daniel "free" into the world

The placenta arrived 5 minutes later. I didn't feel it at all, the only thing I noticed was that the midwife said I had to push, and it hurt a lot to push even though I did it carefully. Afterwards, I thought it hurt a lot in the whole area "down there" and got a little worried, so I asked the midwife if everything was okay? "Honey, you have just pushed out a baby" she said with a smile and I felt a little silly. For some reason I had thought that as soon as the baby was out all the pain would stop. I did not think about how sore one gets after having skin and tissue stretched so much.

I was thoroughly checked, and the midwife said I did not need any stitches. "However, after giving birth, many women complain that the stitches hurt so much", she said. "But you will feel it too, because it is not the stitches that hurt, it's the skin that has been stretched yellow and blue."
It was still very nice not to need any stitches, and I was so impressed with my body that had coped with giving birth so well. I was left with Daniel on my chest in the bed where I had given birth (after the midwives changed sheets quickly), with Dustin next to me, and we were allowed to lie undisturbed for a whole two hours. It was so delightful! Having these two hours all to ourselves to just process all the impressions and take in the beautiful sight of our miracle. We felt like the luckiest people in the world.

Daniel was born at 9.58am, and at 12.30 pm the midwife returned to weigh and measure Daniel. Dustin was instructed on how to put on a diaper and swaddle Daniel, while I got help to get to the toilet and shower off blood and stuff, and when I came out of the bathroom, Dustin was standing with Daniel in his arms and showing him the snow that was falling quietly outside.

Our maternity room was not ready, so we had to stay in the delivery room for a few more hours. We were completely exhausted now, so we got into bed with Daniel between us, and then all three of us fell asleep, as a family for the very first time <3